The Movie Reviews Thread

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rojo
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The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by rojo » Mon Mar 16, 2009 3:28 pm

Post the most recent movie you've seen and a very short two sentence review.



Watchmen: 2/5

Longest movie I've ever sat through. It seriously would've been a shorter experience watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy or live reading of the bible.

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Moleman
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Moleman » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:22 pm

Speed Racer

4/5

Matrix with racing cars.

Christina Ricci, mmmmmm!!!

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glory
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by glory » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:23 pm

Benjamin Button 1/5
I PAID TO WATCH THIS?

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Major.Arse » Mon Mar 16, 2009 4:27 pm

x-files "the truth is out there"

1/5

scully is an chia pet, and mulder is awesome.
seems more like a really long episode then a feature.

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Beyatch
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Beyatch » Tue Mar 17, 2009 12:20 am

body of lies

3.5/5

once you get into the movie and follow whose who; its good. must pay attention to details and is a little drawn out tho

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MegaMan
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MegaMan » Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:30 am

Slumdog Millionaire

5/5

Upon viewing, my brain was cherry pie all over the wall behind me, while my mind was blown completely clear of my face. A good reminder of how most of the human population on the planet lives, and the youngest actors portraying the main characters are actually children from that very slum in Mumbai.

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anito1
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by anito1 » Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:39 am

starship troopers (1997)

5/5

good movie, gore, sex, nudity, anti-social, graphics (good for its time), more realistic (use of animatronics), good plot...

sit and watch the game beginning to ending...

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MadAce
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MadAce » Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:38 am

Kill Bill 2

5.25/5

Tarantino = half-god.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Chicboy » Tue Mar 17, 2009 11:48 am

The Departed

5/5

Dream cast, best dialect if seen in a looong while and fantastic story. Much better than Internal Affairs

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glory
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by glory » Tue Mar 17, 2009 1:27 pm

Anything with Keanu Reeves that isnt matrix
0/5

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MadAce
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MadAce » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:06 pm

glory wrote:Anything with Keanu Reeves that isnt matrix
0/5

I beg to differ:

A Scanner Darkly

The Devil's Advocate

Dracula

My Own Private Idaho

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Chicboy » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:27 pm

MadAce wrote:
glory wrote:Anything with Keanu Reeves that isnt matrix
0/5

I beg to differ:

A Scanner Darkly

The Devil's Advocate

Dracula

My Own Private Idaho
Dont forget Point Break

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glory
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by glory » Tue Mar 17, 2009 2:33 pm

Speed cancels all of those out.

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Moleman
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Moleman » Tue Mar 17, 2009 3:09 pm

glory wrote:Speed cancels all of those out.
Five words for ya...

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!

:adore:

moleman

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MadAce
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MadAce » Wed Mar 18, 2009 8:46 am

Chicboy wrote:
MadAce wrote:
glory wrote:Anything with Keanu Reeves that isnt matrix
0/5

I beg to differ:

A Scanner Darkly

The Devil's Advocate

Dracula

My Own Private Idaho
Dont forget Point Break
I don't get the semi-cultstatus of that movie.

Tho Keanu indeed do a pretty good job conveying the internal struggle of the antagonist. And that with hardly any facial expression.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by ArdRhys4 » Wed Mar 18, 2009 7:08 pm

Van Helsing(2004?)
4/5. Fairly good movie. Very actiony.

Final Fantasy 9: Advent Children(2006)
4.5/5. The movie had enough action for two movies. It was made fairly well and the plot was very good. it also had a huge amount of references to the game which made it a 5 if you actually played the game.

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rojo
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by rojo » Wed Mar 18, 2009 10:54 pm

ArdRhys4 wrote:Van Helsing(2004?)
4/5. Fairly good movie. Very actiony.

Final Fantasy 9: Advent Children(2006)
4.5/5. The movie had enough action for two movies. It was made fairly well and the plot was very good. it also had a huge amount of references to the game which made it a 5 if you actually played the game.

Kk, you might be struggling with the movie ratings concept.

3 is an average movie. Anything above it is better than average. 5 is a perfect movie, zero flaws.

Now, and I'll admit I haven't see Final Fantasy 9: Advent Children, so I could be seriously stereotyping the movie but giving a video game movie a 4.5/5? Honestly? Just wondering, that's all...people's tastes are their tastes but that says to me you haven't seen enough movies. Or enough truly great movies that is.

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ArdRhys4
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by ArdRhys4 » Wed Mar 18, 2009 11:01 pm

I like the movie. My opinion.
Furthermore:
Airplane!!!!!:

5/5. So funny you can watch it a kajillion times and still laugh.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Catfish » Fri Mar 20, 2009 9:27 pm

Moleman wrote:
glory wrote:Speed cancels all of those out.
Five words for ya...

Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure!

:adore:

moleman
darn it, you beat me to it :D

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Moleman
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Moleman » Mon Mar 23, 2009 9:22 pm

Hellboy II The Golden Army

3.8/5

Great popcorn movie! Gets the blend of silliness and fun just right!
Selma blair, mmmmmm

Also, it turns out the golden army has been stashed in Country Antrim, Northern Ireland which gets it an extra point in my book. ;)

moleman

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Luna
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Luna » Wed Mar 25, 2009 1:39 am

"I love you man" - 2.5/5 Chick flick, a few laughs, not worth paying $10.00

"Sunshine Cleaners"- 3/5 Odd flick about mismatched sisters that start a crime scene cleanup company out of necessity.

"Knowing"- Nicholas Cage- 4/5 Dark movie about people that can predict the future with number sequences. Non-stop plot, good action sequences.

"He's Just Not That Into You"- 4/5 Definite Chick flick filled with laughs. Guys will laugh and appreciate it for the humor.

McGrod
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by McGrod » Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:24 pm

Brother .

Brilliant Yakuza movie, probably the definitive Yakuza movie. Yakuza war ends and the survivors are pulled into the victors family. The 'Brother' is just not getting along so they order him dead he moves to America instead and so the film truly begins...Class .
Quote "He says, if you kill him with one shot, he'll give you ten bucks. "

The Man who would be King, sheer brilliance. Michal Caine and Sean Connery.
quote "You are going to become soldiers. A soldier does not think. He only obeys. Do you really think that if a soldier thought twice he'd give his life for queen and country? Not bloody likely. "

Zulu , everyone knows of Rourkes Drift and this is no hodge podge film. Zulu Dawn wasnt as good but it pays to learn the Isandlwhana 'battle' before watching zulu.
Quote "Seven officers including surgeon, commissaries and so on; Adendorff now I suppose; wounded and sick 36, fit for duty 97 and about 40 native levies. Not much of an army for you. "
2nd Quote "Sixty! We dropped at least 60, wouldn't you say?
Adendorff: That leaves only 3,940. "

The 8th day (no not the Schwarzenegger film!) , an Italian film of a guy with Downsyndrome. You'll have to watch it.
Quote 'And on the 8th day God made George'.

Scum , was initially banned in England set in Borstal it shows what they used to have to put up with.
Quote : 1st chap 'Wheres your tool?'' 2nd chap 'What f****** tool?' 1st chap 'This F***** TOOL!!!' and he proceeds to batter him with a bit of piping. (I had posted the youtube link on the tavern awhile ago and got a slaped wrist for doing so)

Quadrophenia about a young mod wanting to be 'the man' amongst all the mods.
quote "Kev: I don't give a monkey's arsehole about Mods and Rockers. Underneath, we're all the same, 'n't we?
Jimmy: No, Kev, that's it. Look, I don't wanna be the same as everybody else. That's why I'm a Mod, see? I mean, you gotta be somebody, ain't ya, or you might as well jump in the sea and drown. "
Some brilliant The Who music playing throughout the film .

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by akito » Wed Mar 25, 2009 8:47 pm

advent children was a 5/5 if you played the game. 3.5 if not. and yah rojo, its action packed with awesomely done cgi kung fu and giant dragons.

speaking of kung fu and dragons, Dragon Ball: Evolution blew my balls. 1/5 unless you LOVED the cartoon, which makes it a -1/5.

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MegaMan
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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MegaMan » Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:39 am

I never played the game, and I thought Advent Children was pretty freaking cool. 3.5/5 sounds about right to me :D

Also I'm just gonna re-review Watchmen for the sake of giving a second opinion, and because I like it so much I can't not say anything :D

4.5/5

The camera work, the acting, the dialogue, the story, the setting, the plot, the characters, the pacing, the writing, the soundtrack!.. there really is nothing that I don't love about this movie! I think if you remember the 80s at all it helps. Particularly the USA in the 80s. The soundtrack is awesome.. Simon and Garfunkle, Bob Dylan, Nena (had to look up that artist, I knew the title 99 Luftballoons but didn't know the artist name)

I love it so much, and I haven't even read the graphic novel. People who have tell me it's incredibly true to the source material, obviously having to leave some things out for time constraints. But they like it too. So Imma have to go buy that book. Cuz damn.

End rave

:D

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by rojo » Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:23 pm

MegaMan wrote:I never played the game, and I thought Advent Children was pretty freaking cool. 3.5/5 sounds about right to me :D

Also I'm just gonna re-review Watchmen for the sake of giving a second opinion, and because I like it so much I can't not say anything :D

4.5/5

The camera work, the acting, the dialogue, the story, the setting, the plot, the characters, the pacing, the writing, the soundtrack!.. there really is nothing that I don't love about this movie! I think if you remember the 80s at all it helps. Particularly the USA in the 80s. The soundtrack is awesome.. Simon and Garfunkle, Bob Dylan, Nena (had to look up that artist, I knew the title 99 Luftballoons but didn't know the artist name)

I love it so much, and I haven't even read the graphic novel. People who have tell me it's incredibly true to the source material, obviously having to leave some things out for time constraints. But they like it too. So Imma have to go buy that book. Cuz damn.

End rave

:D
I'm going to re-re-review. This time in depth. Starting with the points you liked.

The Camera Work: You know a movie sucks when the first thing you compliment is 'the camera work'
That being said, I noticed nothing outstanding about the camera work however, I didn't notice anything bad either.

The Acting: One of the film's saving graces, I did think the acting was pretty decent. Props to the Comedian, he did a stellar job. Everyone else was just, eh. The chick sucked, her acting was a joke.

Dialogue: Mostly corny, really. Although expected from most superhero movies, Watchmen struck me much more as a superhero movie made for a more adult audience and instead it seemed hackneyed, cheesy and overall unoriginal for its genre.

The Characters: A seriously flawed aspect of the movie. One, there was almost no backstory for a few key characters, no explanation for others gifts and abilities, and an overabundance of unnecessary backstory for others. Seriously, 67.5% of the whole movie was backstory, and they really could've saved some minutes, film and money by actually focusing stories that added to the main story.

The Setting: Kind of funny, original at least. I wished they'd of explained more about why the future was at it was, maybe showed some of what was going on in the USSR and such. The main flaw with the setting was not enough key events that supported they way society had changed in comparison to how it is in our world.

The Story/Plot/Writing: We're gonna loop all these into the same segment because they are pretty much the same. This is where the film FAILS completely and totally. Seriously, half of the movie I couldn't figure out what the f^ck was going on. Scenes that should've added to the story didn't, retarded scenes were made to force certain plot progression (The bar scene with Rorsche, seriously?), the blue guy being naked half the movie, completely f#ckin unnecessary. The bad guy turns out to be a homosexual pacifist who totally beats everyone's donkey, who succeeds in the end. The boyscout (Owl) is a bitchy little girl who has no real gifts other than batman-like ability without the financial backing or smarts to explain why the hell he could invent BBQ. The blue guy has a tiny wang and they show it the whole movie...make a damn ken doll out of him. Love scenes were awkward and, once again, didn't serve any purpose to the movie other than showing that Owl is the 40-year-old virgin. Why's Rorshache so pissed all the time? Why does he want justice so much? Bad childhood and a child-molester scene supposed to be motivation for becoming a superhero? If so we'd have a whole lot more freakin superheroes running around the damn streets. Why the hell are they called the Watchmen? As a group we don't see them fight together, ever...that made no frickin sense. And what about the Comedian's archrival, why couldn't that be added into his hour of backstory, show some fight between them back in the day instead of him just smoking and doing chia pet things. The bad guy's name is ADRIAN!! What the hell? No one could come up with a better name for the baddie? Seriously, we had to go with a closeted I love you man! of a man who's story and explanation also makes no f%cking goddamn sense. Somehow being the smartest man in the world ALSO gives you super speed? That make no frickin sense. He didn't even do ANYTHING all that brilliant. Oh and he becomes a billionaire by selling action figures of the Watchmen. My bad, but last time I checked GI Joe company isn't on par with Microsoft. What a joke. He has that crazy-a$$ed tiger with elf ears, no explanation, no reasoning, NO FLIPPIN POINT. The big brass Watchmen jet thingy? You seen many brass airplanes flying around because I haven't...that's because that kind of BBQ doesn't work. And it looks like it was created by one of the pot-smoking designers from VW back in the 70's. A big flying VW Bug. There was so much sh!t that blew donkey in this movie, made no sense and quickly turned it from compelling into one of the worst cinema creations made to date. I could go on for days, seriously. Do you think the Dr. Manhattan's jizz was also blue? Was he capable of fathering a child? Who knows, but he gets a sex scene. Why? Got me, I have no clue. Plot blew big time, one of the WORST written movies ever and I'm pretty sure you and I didn't sit through the same movie. Or you fell asleep or something. Or you're secretly the director and trying to defend this piece of crap. But good god, that was sh!t.

The Pacing: Wtf? What's that even mean? And why should it be included in a movie review? The man was seen pacing around the room as his wife gave birth their first born in the other room. Did you just have admiration for the way the Watchman walked around in the movie?

The Music: Yeah Bob Dylan and Simon and Garfunkel were huge in the 80's. Stfu. Remember the 80's? Dylan was in the Traveling Wilburys and Simon and Garfunkel had been broken up for over a decade. Just quit here. You can't give any credit to a movie who has an absolute butchered cover of a Dylan classic done by My Chemical Romance on its soundtrack.
And it's 99 Luftballons, not Luftballoons. That was one song that should've been spot on in terms of relevancy for the movie, but doesn't match the scene it's used in at all. Maybe that's debatable but seriously it was used more for what the song was about (nuclear brinksmanship) rather than because it added to the clip.

One of the better points of the movie and the few reasons I gave it a decent rating was some pretty solid special effects. It was probably the only thing the movie did well.

Overall, I'm very disappointed in your review and felt that I couldn't let you mislead the masses. I'm going to start making a list in the first post of people who's reviews are crap if this kind of stuff continues. I don't think that everyone should have the same opinion of me but we all should recognize a crappy, overblown and over-hyped piece of garbage.

Major.Arse

Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by Major.Arse » Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:28 pm

Punisher: War Zone

2/5

OK, he beats the piss outta people and its kinda cool to see that kinda gore/gun fights(but i knew this was BBQ when he was hanging from the chandelier spinning while firing machine guns like a fruit and not 1 guy can get a shot off on him....hes hugging stationary, ffs gangsters need to learn to aim.

and yet still, its plot seems like something completely outta the lame-donkey-capt-America-wanna-be-70's-spandex-everyone-a-stereo-type-ridiculousness that i thought this movie was going to lead us away from...the punisher is an incredible story, the movie fails completely on almost every level to explain.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MegaMan » Sat Mar 28, 2009 7:54 am

Um.. you know, Rojo, I was just saying I liked the movie. It wasn't an attack on you.

At least we can agree about the My Chemical Romance cover.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by rojo » Sun Mar 29, 2009 12:49 am

MegaMan wrote:Um.. you know, Rojo, I was just saying I liked the movie. It wasn't an attack on you.

At least we can agree about the My Chemical Romance cover.
Fair enough. Don't mean to be too rough, just kind of a pet peeve of mine when people think everything they see is the greatest work Hollywood's ever produced. The number of movies I would give a 5/5 or even 4.5/5 can be counted on one hand with fingers left over. Despite that it doesn't mean I don't enjoy most movies just some movies to me are works of art, a masterpiece per se and I get a bit offended when other people put features in that same category which I know a good case, even a bad case couldn't be made for. I'm not gonna put every movie I enjoyed as a 5/5 because a crappy movie can still entertain me, just it's not worth giving it a high rating because it's not a true quality movie. Hope that makes sense, I probably will still rip to shred reviews for terrible movies that give them too high of rating...only to make this thread more useful for everyone though.

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by MegaMan » Sun Mar 29, 2009 2:21 pm

Well, I'm glad you think films are art. You should know then that art is not absolute, and the same piece of art won't speak to the same two people in the same way.
I get a bit offended when other people put features in that same category which I know a good case, even a bad case couldn't be made for.
I don't think that everyone should have the same opinion of me but we all should recognize a crappy, overblown and over-hyped piece of garbage.
You're saying people can have their own opinion, as long as they agree with you. I don't mind in the slightest that you disagree with me. But please don't insult me when you do, which you have done twice in a row now.

Btw, skimming your rant again, I think you were confused about the setting of the movie. It was set in the 80s, not the future. And I'm well aware Simon and Garfunkle and Bob Dylan are not 80s fare. I could write an actual review, but my time is valuable, so here is Roger Ebert's review instead, who gives it 4/4 stars. http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... /903049997

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Re: The Movie Reviews Thread

Post by rojo » Tue Mar 31, 2009 5:09 pm

MegaMan wrote:Well, I'm glad you think films are art. You should know then that art is not absolute, and the same piece of art won't speak to the same two people in the same way.

True, but what is art to an idiot still makes him an idiot. Not calling you an idiot, just a phrase my old film studies teacher used to use.
I get a bit offended when other people put features in that same category which I know a good case, even a bad case couldn't be made for.
I don't think that everyone should have the same opinion of me but we all should recognize a crappy, overblown and over-hyped piece of garbage.
You're saying people can have their own opinion, as long as they agree with you. I don't mind in the slightest that you disagree with me. But please don't insult me when you do, which you have done twice in a row now.

No. That isn't what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that if you disagree, then prove me wrong...or at least make a respectable case that allows me to agree to disagree.

Btw, skimming your rant again, I think you were confused about the setting of the movie. It was set in the 80s, not the future. And I'm well aware Simon and Garfunkle and Bob Dylan are not 80s fare. I could write an actual review, but my time is valuable, so here is Roger Ebert's review instead, who gives it 4/4 stars. http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbc ... /903049997
Ok, let me preface this by saying Roger Ebert is an important player within the film community. What I'm about to say is purely a professional comment about him, not against him as a person and not an attempt to be offensive. Sadly, he has thyroid cancer, and had it for a few years. Although publicly no one would dare say anything about affecting his reviews, as he is the biggest player in the field, rumors apparently (and I can't back this up, again this is only from talking with a few people who live and die following film professionally) indicate that you should take his current reviews with a grain of salt. They don't touch the work he was doing a decade ago.

The 80's comment was a snipe, I won't lie...I was trying to incite a comment from you. It was supposed to generate one of two response. One, you reply back that I took it out of context and only and idiot would think they were big in the 80's. Or two, you'd agree/say nothing meaning you had no idea...was banking on the first.

Respect you've earned for staying calm and avoiding a flame war, congrats. Anything I said that was a personal attack I rescind and apologize. Watch those reviews though, especially if you're re-reviewing something I did. I'll come at ya like a banshee if you leave the opportunity.

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